Ever feel like you're sitting on an increasingly large mountain of gun powder?
Every time I shop online, I feel dark clouds raining down explosive pellets and the result is an ever-increasing pile of a highly combustible material that's just going to take one itsy bitsy spark to ignite! Of course, my six foot, always chipper, husband is like a really long piece of flint and his inability to understand my online shopping ordeal is like... is like... pieces of steal grinding on his flinty body. It just lights a fire under me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
So here's the situation, For several months, well for almost a year, I've seen these beautiful pastel pants on people running around town. Everywhere I turn, like a pack of rainbow Necco candies, pretty pastel clad people running to and fro. At first I wasn't so sure about the trend, it made me think about the 80's. But like most things, the more you see it- the more you want it and, man, do I want it! What do they call that, lust or something?
Anyhow, I scoured high and low for the perfect pair of mint, denim, skinny pants. Right about here, my husband creates the first spark by quoting,"Nacho Libre," he'll say, "Stretchy pants?" And click, the sparks would fly. It's like he just doesn't understand the importance of mint denim! I stare at him blankly, with one twitching eye. Of course, nothing happens because it's my husband and he wouldn't understand my how a girl needs the perfect pair of pastel pants. So instead, I turn to the Internet and cross your fingers, the right price. I find a sale. Not just any sale, I find $80 minty pants on sale for 56 bucks, with an additional 40% off means that my beloved $80 "stretchy pants" are now a screamin deal at $20!
In my mind, I see myself wearing the minty jeans, high-fiving dignitaries, strolling down the red carpet, doing the YMCA at the Super bowl with all the football players in the middle of a play, you know, I see myself doing a lot of things, that's all I can say, I mean,...doing...things!
What actually happens: The box comes, I eagerly rip the box open like a lion tearing into a helpless gazelle, I swear my heart is racing, and then, I see them. My mint. Denim. Skinny. Pants. Shreds of plastic and pieces of packing peanuts trail my path, as I scamper off with my kill, down the hallway and into the bathroom where I slip my leg in and..... *squish*, my leg gets stuck. At this point, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, only it's not Alfred Hitchcock narrating, it's Big Bird, with Twilight Zone music. And I hear that giant yellow bird say, "Today's lesson is brought to you by the color mint and the wrong size number 2." I rip the pants off my calf, cause that's as high as they'll go, and throw them against the wall cursing the company (which shall remain nameless.)
Then, of all things, my husband knocks on the door and says, "I wanna see you in your stretchy pants..." at this point, too many things for far too long have massed into the Mt. Everest mother load of black powder and it's blow time baby! BOOOOOMMMM! The bomb goes off and I don't scream, I don't call some poor customer service rep and chew him a new one, nope, instead, I stare in the bathroom mirror until I can collect myself.
I don't know what's going to happen from here, folks, but I've been launched, like a space shuttle, into orbit. For now, I'm just going to say, major changes are coming my way!!!
PS. Did I mention we are shopping for outdoor rugs? Aren't these the best outdoor rugs you've seen? So, so gorg.
I hope you enjoy this week's round up and good luck shopping on line, I know I'll need it!